czwartek, 21 czerwca 2012


Dla odmiany coś po Angielsku!
This is a fan-fic about my favorite trio of Internet  movie reviewers. My english is not perfect (I'm from Poland and it's not my first language) but I hope you enjoy it :)

Elisa get’s upset!

By Maciek Kur of Poland

                Elisa screamed one more time and finally opened here eyes waking up from another nightmare. She quickly looked around like she had a hunch somebody was watching her, but fortunately she was alone in her room. It was two in the morning and her faithful Phantom of the Opera doll was slumbering next to her. Elisa breath slowly. She still felt the emptiness in her soul. It didn’t go away. Not one bit.
           The anger!
           The frustration!
            The dissatisfaction!
           All those joyless fillings where still inside of her festering her hearth step by step with wicked thoughts and dreadful desires!
          Elisa couldn’t sent this anymore! She quickly got up from bed and left her room like she felt something bad may happened if she stay here a minute longer. As soon she got out she regarded the decision!
            It was Nella! She was sitting on the living room’s floor, sleeping with a yogurt d in her hand while an episode of “My Little Pony” (Friendship is Magic) was playing on her laptop. Elisa felt the biting of her hearth and coldness that went over her skin. She try to go quietly move away as far she could, but sadly as soon she the first step…
          – Hey, where are you going? – ask Nella and Elisa freeze sweating like sinner in church.
          – Nowhere I suppose – reply Elisa with a fake smile hiding both fear and frustration.
            Ow – reply Nella as she eat a spoon of her yogurt – I was thinking we could watch my Little Pony (Friendship is magic) together! It’s the one when Fluthershy starts playing with matches as part of her pyrotherapy but after she burns downs the entire Apple farm she learns her lessons and write the letter to Princess Celestia about it…
         – No thanks – Elisa smile again – I’ve seen it.
         Nella’s head turn slowly. 
         – How could you seen an episode I just made up… – she ask with a suspicion in her eyes –  …in my mind!?
         – Ow, I’m pretty sure there was an episode like this –  Elise made the biggest smile yet – Maybe you’re psychic?
         – Maybe I’am! – laugh Nella as her head turn back to the screen of laptop – Maybe I’am…
         Elsie breath with relief and started moving toward the exit.
         – By the way… – said Nella with a quite whispery voice.
          Elsie freeze one more time and swallow her saliva.
         – Ye…yes? – she ask being to afraid to turn her head over.
         – Your latest vampire review was late – said Nella– Somebody is getting tardy…
         – Well you know how it is – started Elsie – With all the traffic’s, and… and… I really must go! – she smile one more time and left in a hurry leaving all the fake fury-hiding happiness behind.
           She quickly enter the Nostalgia Chick room.
            Who the hell she think she is!?– she growled with anger –You should see her out there acting all height and might like she owns the place!
             Lindsay didn’t reply as she was still sleeping. Sucking up her finger and squishing the copy of her favorite Will Smith movie. 
           Elsie decided she’s to upset to hide one bit of her frustration.
          – Wake up! – she yelled.
          – Wha..what? – yawn Linsday as she opened her eyes and gaze on Elsie standing above her – Jiminy Crickets! You aren’t having one of you’re Nella rants, aren’t you?
         – You bet your ass I do! – said Elsie and poor Nostalgia Chick know well she is. 
             For you see Elsie despised Nella. Ow, she did a ok job of hiding it with her sugary, girly  persona but deeply inside she felt nothing for Nella but pure loathing to the point she even once broke Nella’s favorite crayons as Nella gone fishing. Elsie would often spend countless hours looking and Nella’s picture with detestation  and sometimes even did it with actual Nella as she was a sleep. Her sick obsession with Nella’s existence was far from healthy to the point she had problems of pronouncing Nella’s name with cynical sneer in her voice.
            Nostalgia Chick know about this and like every night she had to listen about it again.
          – Uuuuuuu that Nella – Elsie shake her fist into the sky –  I hate her so much! It always “Nella this” and “Nella that”! Nella has warmers sweaters! Nella wears bigger glasses! Nella have to pay bigger part of the rent!
            – Jeepers, but you don’t have glasses at all – pointed out Lindsay.
            – Stop rubbing it in! – whimper Elsie – I’m sorry I can’t be your perfect Miss Nella! I’m sorry I can be you’re model of absolute perfection! There! Are you happy? Would you be happy if I simply died!? Would you be happy if I would take a knife and slit my throat? Would you’re life would be finally for field if one day you would see me in a puddle of blood, dead, so there would be more place four your precious heroine Nella!? Would you?
          – Golly – Nostalgia Chick shook her head slowly – I wouldn’t….
          – Yes you would! – cried Elsie pointing on Lindsay with a shivering finger – I see it in your eyes! You all do nothing but pressure me to be more like Nella even from the day one! All those bulling looks you give me over the years! You, Todd, Cinema Snob even Linkara! You know once he once told me?
          – Holley-molley, no…
          – That “The Killing Joke” is a darn good comic book! But now I know what he really meant! He meant “Get out of my sight and get back when you be more like Nella… you whore!!!!”
           – Wow, really!? – poor Nostalgia Chick was shocked – Goodness gracious, and he always felt like such a pleasant guy…
           – Well I have news for all of you! – screamed Elsie out the window getting more and more disturbed – I never be like Nella because I’m a person of my own and you should all love me for who I’m inside! – she cried – I don’t wanna be more like Nella! I’don’t wanna! I don’t wanna… WHAAAAAAAAA….I don’t wanna…
           – Now, now – Nostalgia Chick pat her friend on the head – Let’s be honest her. Is it all because Nella become a vampire and you didn’t?
             Elsie got silent for a moment.
            – Possibly – she said and sadly this was the truth.
           About five weeks ago a strangers knows to the door and since Elsie wasn’t around Nella had to opened it.
          – Hello – said the strangers – Would you like to be a vampire for two dollars?
          – Sure, why not – reply Nella and pay the price.
          – Here’s you’re vampire license, have a nice day !
          – Wow. Thanks…

         Yes, those sad event was what upset Elisa so much and made her hate Nella in every shape or form. Since she was a little child she dreamed of becoming a real vampire. After all she was Maven of the Eventide.. But sadly the one day a vampire license salesmen show up she had to go the forest to pick wild flowers. Ow, the sorrow destiny curse her to remain a simple girl, while her friend proudly parade with a official vampire diploma.
            Elsie sit down on Nostalgia Chick bed with dark thoughts once again taking over her mind and stomping on each and every last bit of sanity.
          – I wish I know what could I do – she wispier while she cry a single tear – I wish… I wish...
          – You use to love Nella - pointed out Lindsay - By golly, remember how last spring our parents had to left town and she came to  babysit us?  How she gave us chocolate milk and let us watch that Spongebob DVD. Shucks!You said she was the coolest person eveer...
          – Things change  – wisper Elsie  – Tick-tock... tick-tock...
           – Gee willikers! – Nostalgia Chick snapped her fingers – Why I think I know what might just do the trick! – she cheer and without taking off her pajamas off she did a entire Disney-like musical number about being special and living in harmony with others.
            It was the most whimsical thing Elisa ever seen. But sadly it wasn’t enough.

            She grabbed a pillow and smack Nostalgia Chick in the head.
             It was two hours later when Nostalgia Chick woke up tied to a cheer. Elsie was sitting in the corner in her vampire make-up with the most evil face ever.
            – Holly smokes – said Lindsay fearing for the worst – What new level of insanity you’re dark soul had enter?
           – The final one I assure you – said Elisa and lick her knife slowly – For you see I finally know what to do! I won’t longer be in Nella’s shadow!
            – No… – shiver Linsday – You’re not planning to do what I think you will.... No body can be so evil or mad!
            – But I’m… I’m – smile Elisa and then… She sang a Villain Song about herself. A villain song so awesome but so dark and twisted at the same time that even the Nostalgia Critic would feel ashamed for not putting it as the part of TOP 11 Villains song, right after he would wet his pants from this terrifying musical number.
             – And now! – said Elisa as she finish the number – I will introduce you to my creation! – she pullout a bottle of a mysterious looking potion – It’s a dark formula I was working on! A formula made of Nella’s blood! A formula that can turn an average mortal into a true vampire! BUT since I’m not stupid enough to drink before I taste it I shall make you my little guinea pig!
           – NO!! – Lindsay try to be assertive – I won’t be part of this twisted madness any more! I don’t wanna! I don’t wannaaa… !!!!!
              Nostalgia Chick cried and whine for ten seconds but sadly it wasn’t enough to melt down remaining of  Elisa heart. She grab the Chick by the neck and pure the evil potion into her mouth.
            – Noooooo!!! – yelled the Chick but it was too late, she had transformed… into Nella!?
             – Damn I must made a mistake during my evil potion making scene – hissed Elisa – No matter! I shall drink this anyway and then I kill the real Nella and then I shall be the ruler of the lad!
        – Ow, no! – said Nella/Linsday – Wait …what!? I honestly getting confuse what’s your motivation in this story…
         – Silence! – said Elisa – As soon I drink this I shall finally capture all the Smurfs and then… I'll turn them into gold buhahahahahaha!!!!
          – STOOOOOOP!!!! – yelled a voice.
         It was voice of Nella. The actual Nella. Not the fake one who was tied up to a cheer.
          – Elisa I listen to all you’re insane monologs – she said – It’s hard not do it when you screaming In the middle of the night and I’m in the next room. I had a long thought about it and  I decided I don’t really need this vampire-diploma. You can take it!
           – Really? – ask Elisa who couldn’t believe her luck.
           – Yes – nodded Nella – I mean my vampire uncle bit me when I was two so that’s make a vampire any way…
            – And I can take it? – Elisa ask quietly.
            – Yes. You are Maven of the Eventide after all.. – Nella noded one more time as she handle paper into Elisa shaking hands – But for heaven sakes see a goddamn psychiatrist! This is almost as disturbing at the time you butcher Todd’s face for buying that Phantom of the Opera license before you got one and now he must wear that stupid mask all the time.
              – I’ll shall Nella… I’ll shall – smile Elisa with a warm filling in her heart and two friends hug strongly finally united.

By Maciek Kur of Poland