środa, 8 sierpnia 2012

Cinema Snobs silliest adventure!!!!

Ok. Oto mój kolejny fanfic po Angielsku o jakieś osobistości internetowej która mnie bawi więc zaszczycę ją moimi wypcinami...Także - mój SETNY POST! HURRA.... Ow, why do I care?


 APOLOGY FOR MY BAD ENGLISH!!!!

„Cinema Snobs silliest adventure!”
***
– Ah! Finally! Some well deserve free time! – said Brad as he stretch his back and looked around the garden. All the beautiful flowers he have planet where getting finer and finer witch each and every day, and even started to attacking some of the local birds.             
          – Boy, that sure was a swell film that I just review – he said referring “One thirsty orgy of Lust street II – The bloody hooker lick!” – However – he add with a sparkle in his eye – I think I spent whey to many time in that old dusty house of mine! How can I take advantage of this sunny afternoon? Why... I know! – he snapped his fingers – I shall go to the woods and pick some wild flowers and make a garland for Sarah and Jillian! They sure would like that! And who knows? Maybe I’ll make a friend or two on my way there?

          And so he was on his way strolling merrily through the street. Now believed or not It would be quit a trick for our pal Brad to make new friends since everybody in the neighbor already known him and loved him by the hearth. Now Brad was a bit sad by this since making new buddies was the biggest pleasure he so far experience in his life, but as his father once told him “What ever happened just remember to always  have a big darn”
             – Look ad that happy-go-lucky over there Cinema Snob! – the mailman shook his head as Brad walked by – Such a bright, good spirited lad! I wish my son would grow up to be just like him! I also wish to have a son and a wife who didn’t diverse me – he whisper as he relies he was talking to himself all along and cried filling a horrendous emptiness inside.  
            – Wow! Getting to the woods sure takes a long, long way – said Brad filling a little bit tired but then – He stopped and notice something.
              It was an alley. Now Brad past this alley many, many times but never really stopped and thought to see where it leads.
           – Why I bet it’s a shortcut! – he said being in his usual adventures spirit and march  briskly curious of the wonders that he might meet upon.
            At first the alley was pretty nice and peaceful but soon it got more and more spooky.
        – Golly, this is just as creepy as that scary film about the sinful dwarf I review once – he stood and turn around – And it’s a middle of the day! Maybe I should go back and… AH! – he felt a cold hand on his shoulder which grab him from the behind.
            Brad jump away and quickly turn around. It was man. A very fat man. He stood there with a big sack and a long, long stick in his hand.  
       – Hello Brad – he said grinning in a uncommon fashion.  
       – How… how do you know my name? – ask Brad as he shaken from fear not sure should he run or  not.
       – Ow I’ve seen you’re reviews on the internet – the man explain – 80’s Dan is so funny…
       – Thanks… – Brand got a bit more comfortable and way less afraid. It was just one of his fans. True he was a bit scary but “who am I to judge and criticize other people” thought Brad getting even more comfortable and proud of who he was.
      – Would you like some choclet? – ask the man taking an entire choclet bar from his pocket.
       – DO I EVER?  – Brad quickly grab the bar and took a big bite of the delicious tastefullness. The man was getting just more and more sympathethic.

       – My dog is missing – said the man – Will you help me to find him?
       – You’re dog…? – Brad worried as if there was one thing he loved more then anything it was animals – Why sure I join you! Why… Wait a second! This situation looks very familiar!
      
       Brad close his eyes and try to have a flash back. Yes! It was the memory of the time he review “Too Smart for Strangers” for DVD-R Hell and all the advices Pooh and his friends gave to know how to react in a similar situation.
      – Why this man might be a stranger out to touch me in a way I don’t desire or like – Brad said to himself remembering the wisdom he learn from a man in a bear costume – Luckily I watched the TV special and now I’m too smart for strangers – he nodded his head and remebering all the now-how he learn approach the man very confident – Excuse me my good sir but... are you a piglet?
      – Oink, oink! – reply the man and licked his lips twice.
      – Well, that’s good enough for me – smile Brad with relief remembering the quote "The stranger is someone a piglet is not" – I’m sorry I was ever foolish enough too think you’re a stranger! Let’s go searching for that lost dog – he said turning around so happy he may finally make a new friend and then… Things went dark...


***

Brad wokeup several hours later with a big pain in his head and taste of blood on his mouth. He was tied up to a chair and had a funny filling which was hard to describe, but it wasn’t pleasant. The fat man was standing in front of him holding Brad’s pants and sniffing them as his grin grow larger and larger with each sniff.
          – Excuse me but how I got here? – ask Brad who was as curious and wide opend as ever.  
           The man didn’t reply. He slowly move put the pants down and move toward Brad who finally notice or the knifes and mouthy magazines on the man’s table. He too his head and hum something as his stroked one of Brad cheeks.
       – Pardon me Mr. – said Brad – but I’m not sure if we find you’re poor doggy any time soon if we keep sitting here playing strange games. No, what  breed he was…
        THE MAN SLAPED BRAD IN THE FACE!
      – Owwww! – whimper Brad who finally realize what was going on – You gave me an unpleasant filling! Why… You’re a stranger, aren't you?
       – Yes! – reply the man – Yes I’m!
       – O no! – Brad realise he got himself into some pretty darn big Stranger-danger – Winnie the Pooh advice didn’t work for some reason! I must did something wrong… Wait! Are you a tiger?
       – No!
       – Damn it! I should ask that... But wait! – Brad got a revelation – What did Pooh bear told me to do when a strange actually approach me…? Off course! – he said and got serious as possible - No look here! This my body! I own it and this is how it meant to be! It's a sacred tample and you have no right to touch it…
       – SHUT UP OR I CUT YOU!!! – screamed the man grabbing the biggest knife he had and swung it a couple of times in front of his victim face.
         Brad of course got to scared and cowardly to continue his plan of ending his big speech and walking away.
        – For years I watched you’re videos! – the man started a monolog – I was there from the very beginning! I’ve seen it all! Some twice! Some as far as even three! HELL! I can’t go to sleep without rewatching the Caligula one! I got obsesses over you! I lust over you!! I wanted to have you! Feel you! Smell you! And to understand… understand how can you be so snobbish about cinema! YOU KNOW WHAT I DID WHILE I WAS WATCHING THOSE VIDEOS!?
         – Um... Eat some icream... ?
         – SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! – the bad man scream once again and strike Brad right in the face twice – And now I finally have you! You’re mine! Mine forever!!! And now I’ll finally shall do something despicable I desire to do for a long, long time... TWICE!!!
          – Ow, no!  – Brad got pretty upset by this whole situation.
            He didn't know if he could trust an advice from a man dressup like a bear in a Disney's tv special ever gain and the ironic thing was that the whole thing was getting more and more like most movies he review. If only he didn’t walk into that allay. But he did. And all it did was get him into a very sticky spot and he wasn't sure will he manage to get home beafore it get's dark so he could make some new reviews. All he could do is remember the wise words from his pappy “What ever happened just remember to always have a big darn smile” and “never tell anybody that I hit you’re mother or I make sure you’re never see her again and if you tell about that I shall chop of you’re hands you miserable little freak who shall go to hell and burn in the pits of Satan for touching him self!”           
        – This sure is a pickle – sigh Brad and decided to try to do one more brave thing before the grumpy stranger will make his another move – You know what I think?  – he said with a serious frawn on his face – I think you’re shouldn’t treat people this way! No wonder you are a stranger! If you treat people this way they won’t like you and if more and more people won’t like you then soon you won’t have a single friend in a whole word!
        – Holly fuck you’re right! – the shoked man let the knife from his hand – I didn’t though about this way! I…
          Then Brad broke the lines he was tide up with wit his might straight pull out his gun and shot the mother fucker in the knee. As soon the asshole fell on the floor he kicked him In the face, then kicked him one more time in the nuts, took a bottle of vodka took a big sip, shot the dick three more times and then shot one more time into the ceiling because his Cinema Snob and he’s awesome.
        – Rest… in dead! – said the most badass way possible and left the house hiding the gun in his back pocket.
           Brad stood out side and turn around with suspicion. Yep! He didn’t know this neighborhood. He march with a hope he will recognize a familiar street or a hose.  But no, it was all new to him. 
THEN HE STOPED! It was another alley! It was as spooky and abounded as the last one, but this time Brad sure learned his lesson.     
           He took his cellophane, quickly press few buttons and looked at one of streets name.
        – Hello, Sarah? I’m at the 22 Strawberry street! Can you drive here? I’m abut to walk into an alley and I don’t want to do it alone! – he said so proud of how this whole experience made him more wiser then ever…
  
 
By
Maciek Kur 

wtorek, 7 sierpnia 2012

I dlatego cieszę, się, że przeczytałem „Zmierzch”!

         Kto z nas nie czytał w dzieciństwie komiksów z Kaczorem Donaldem? Pytanie z haczykiem bo aby mieć  dzieciństwo trzeba było czytać „Kaczora Donalda”, „Giganta”, „Giganta Poleca” (za cholerę nie rozumiałem tej zmiany w tytule), „Kaczogród” albo ‘Donald i spółka”.


         Naturalnie pomimo dorosłego wieku fajnie od czasu do czasu przeczytać sobie co tam mieszkańcy Kaczogrodu porabiają bo – hej – to takie klawe miejsce. Co by się nie działo panuje wesoła atmosfera, każdy ma barwną osobowość, dominuje wieczny status quo więc miło zobaczyć, że wszystko po staremu, a w powietrzu wisi pewna urokliwa niewinność bo to świat gdzie seks, alkohol czy śmierć nie istnieją...


Co do...???
Um....


Ok... Dzięki Panie Rosa! Naprawdę...
O W MORDĘ... NIE! OK.! Starczy!  STARCZY!!! JUŻ!!!! KAPUJEMY!!!

Tak czy kwak  owy „Status Quo” (czy też w tym przy przypadku „Status Kwa”) ma tę wielką wadę, że scenarzyści bardzo często nie mają pomysłów co nowego zrobić z tymi postaciami. Jasne, każdy lubi popatrzeć jak Goguś i Donald tłuką się o Daisy, Magika próbuje dorwać szczęśliwą dziesięciocentówkę , Sknerus pogłębia swoją chciwość okradając kolejne państwa z ich dziedzictwa narodowego (czyt. „szuka skarbów”) Diodak coś tam majstruje etc.... Ale niestety dobrze jest jednak równie często (jak nie częściej) zobaczyć tych bohaterów w jakichś zupełnie nowych  sytuacjach. Pobawić się ich postaciami i „poeksplorować” ich osobowości.

Wiadomo, że nigdy nie zobaczymy jak Sknerus się żeni ze Złotką (tu jest jeden fajny fanowski komiks gdzie ma to miejsce 
) , Hyzio, Dyzio i Zyzio odnajdują swoich rodziców (Ciekawostka : Don Rosa chciał zrobić ten komiks ale sobie odpuścił)  a Donald wreszcie zarąbuje Gogusia siekierą (tak zwany fan-service), ale jednak byłoby przyjemnie odkryć chociażby coś nowego na temat osobowości i życia tych postaci.

Ostatnio kupiłem sobie jeden zaległy„Gigant Poleca” (tom CXXXVIII, uff..) i pomimo  ogólnej dawki przeciętnych historyjek czy takich co mnie nie kręcą (nie jestem fanem Superkwęka i tych historii gdzie Donald jest James Bondowskim szpiegiem, sorry) pomijając jedną z góry dobrą historię Romano Scarpy dwie zaskoczyły mnie baaaardzo pozytywnie :

Pieniądz twój wróg” (rys. Massimo Fecchi scen. Stefn Petrucha) – Gdzie Magika zmienia majątek Sknerusa w monetowe monstrum (genialny koncept)
                                       

... i „Opowieści z dreszczykiem (rys. Giogio Cavazzano, scen. Roberto Gagnor) i muszę przyznać.. to chyba najzabawniejszy komis z jakim się spotkałem w „Gigancie P” od bardzo, bardzo dawna. 

Oto Sknerus , Donald, Daisy i Kaczencja udają się na nowy film o „romansujących Wampirach” i choć Donald wychodzi super zbulwersowany Panie są wzruszone  (mhhhh.... Ciekawe do JAKIEGO filmu slash książki to może nawiązywać?)

Naturalnie ponieważ Wielkie Kino inspiruje Daisy i Kaczencja postanawiają napisać własną książkę o romantycznym krwiopijcy. Swoją drogą podobają mi się małe dowcipne detaliki w tej historii - jak plakaty na stronie powyżej, Sknerus w tle biorący gazetę z ziemi (kocham koncept miliardera co ma mentalność żula) czy skrzynka pocztowa Kaczencji...  


Ok., więc  dzieło ich wyobraźni się oficjalnie zaczyna i... Tak! Zgadliście! Mamy parodię „ZMIERZCHU”!  Heh! W oryginale komiks się nawetnazywa „Quacklight” ! Co ciekawe zagraniczne edycje parodiują czcionkę w tytule...
(wersja Finlandzka)

A my jak zwykle mamy dosyć prostą i...



 Powaga? To najbardziej kreatywne tłumaczenie tytułu który byłby parodią słowa „Zmierzch”? Mogli by dać... eeee.. „Zmierzchkwak”? „Zkwazmierzch”???„Zmiekwachrzsdgd”... Dobra! Nie mam prawa czepiać się tłumacza bo jednak nieziemsko trudno wysilić przeróbkę tego tytułu by nie była zbyt przekombinowana albo takiej co już nie istnieje. Mamy też fajny jak nie dziwny in-joke z nazwaniem miasta do którego przybywa Daisy „Duckburg”...

ALE STOP! Jeśli wszystkie filmy w uniwersum tych Kaczek są odpowiednikami filmów z naszego świata (tylko najwyraźniej mają premiery w trochę innej chronologii) to jeśli wypociny Daisy i Kaczencji są ich wersją „Zmierzchu” to czym do cholery był ten „romantyczny film o wampirach” na którym byli w pierwszej kolejności?

Eeee... Ummm... „Mroczne Cienie”?? WOW! Nic dziwnego, że Donald był taki wkurzony!  Ale biorąc pod uwagę, że ich wersja „Transformersów” jest zapewne równie ambitna co nasza trafił na mniejsze zło...

Czyli tak, reszta komiksu będzie polewką ze „Zmierzchu”. Po Kaczogrodzkich parodiach nie spodziewam się super wiele bo sporo ocieka wtórnością (ile można przerabiać „Gwiezdne Wojny”?) Oczywiście było kilka co mnie pozytywnie zaskoczyło np. „Władca Sygnetów” co był niezwykle sprytną podśmiechujkom z filmów Petera Jacksona – Ah, tak!   Przecież mieli parodię „La Strady”.
Strasznie dziwny pomysł... Dzieciaki ani tego nie widziały (i nie powinny), ani nie zrozumiały, a o ile nie są z rodziny zapalonych filmowców bym był szczere zdziwiony gdyby w ogóle wiedziały kto to był Fellini. Ja wiem, widziałem i ten film kocham (still my top 10 favorite) więc komiks do mnie trafił , ale nie ukrywam,że lekturze towarzyszyło „O psia krew, czy to znaczy, że będą mieli scenę gdzie Czarny Piotruś ryczy pijany na plaży albo okłada Minnie kijem bo za cicho krzyczy, że przyjechał do miasta?” Co następne? Parodia „Boskiej Komedii”...?  

 (Matko ale to schizowe!)

ALE WRACAJMY DO TEMATU : Jak wspomniałem po Disneyowskiej parodii „Zmierzchu”nie oczekuję wiele... No bo co zrobią? Pewnie przekręcą kilka imion i wrzucą ze dwa motywy, a reszta będzie raczej standardową fabułką...

O JA CIĘ! To mnie rozwaliło... Ale hej! To jedna z najbardziej znanych scen z tej serii.
Na pewno nie zrobią tych całych melancholijnych monologów wewnętrznych Belli...


Obsesję Belli na punkcie Edwarda?
„Błyszczące wampiry”?


Klan Cullenów?
„Dylematów młodej kobiety u progu dorosłości”?

OK! TO OSTATNIE BYŁO ŚMIESZNE JAK DIABLI!
Chyba najzabawniejsze co widziałem w „Gigantach” od dłuższego czasu. Właściwie cały komiks konsekwentnie trzyma pozytywnie wysoki poziom humoru i absurdu (Serio, nawet nie pokazuję tutaj 1/3 scen co mnie szczerze rozbawiły, to ma z 30 stron) Ciekawe co jeszcze...



TAK!!!!! Idealne podsumowanie twórczości Stephanie Meyer! Teraz jestem tego pewny! Ten komiks oficjalnie robili ludzie co szczerze nienawidzą „Zmierzchu” i postanowili podzielić się swoimi cynicznymi poglądami... Wątek wilkołaków został co prawda pominięty (wyobrażacie sobie Gogusia bez koszuli?) ale za to są „złe wampiry” z którymi te lepsze mają wojnę...

Wow! Goguś wygląda całkiem super z lisim ogonem i... Chwila, chwila! Czy to nie...? A tak, to Ona...

Ta! To ta postać która zawitała na moment w moim fanficu  którą Polscy fani sobie ledwie kojarzą bo u nas pojawia się rzadko, a szkoda bo widziałem z nią kilka zagranicznych komiksów (miała swoją pod serię) i jest całkiem klawym dodatkiem do naszej typowej Kaczej ekipy... plus jest wnuczką Złotki, a jak donoszą zagraniczni fani w pierwszym-pierwszym komiksie Romano Scarpy w którym się Ona pojawia są poszlaki, że jest także wnuczką Sknerusa (!!!)
Czemu nie? Ostatecznie był ten jeden komiks Barksa gdzie młody Sknerus porywa młodą Złotkę do swojej działki na odludziu na miesiąc więc... Um... Panie Rosa?


O właśnie!
Zawsze podobał mi się pomysł by z tego związku wyszło coś więcej niż jeden przelotny tragiczny romans (choć to ma też swój urok) więc pomysł który Romano Scarpa rzucił w swoim komiksie uważam za pozytywny... Plus z
awsze strasznie chciałem przeczytać tę wspomnianą historię ponieważ mamy tam pierwsze i chyba jedyne spotkanie między Złotką a Kaczencją, a to starcie po prostu MUSZĘ zobaczyć!!!!
Ah, tak! Wróćmy do tego komiksu...
Ahaś! Miny Donalda i Sknerusa mówią wszystko! Oni są tutaj niczym „Avatary” dla czytelnika... Piękna mimika Panie Cavazzano!! 
Świetne gagi można jeszcze wyliczać ale nie wiem czemu bardzo rozwaliła mnie ta cała mistyfikacja wokół tego schowka i to jak nonszalancko jest to antycypowane w scenariuszu. Sinobrody się znalazł.... (nawet już nie pamiętam jak to się ma do książki) Swoją drogą podoba mi się pewien tyci żarcik który łatwo może umknąć gdyż pomimo zakazów Sknerusa, gdy Magika (która z jakiegoś powodu jako jedyna zachowała w parodii swoje normalne imię... hum...) sięga po ukryty w schowku przedmiot...
W sumie nie mam już nic do dodania co do samej historii. Jak już wspomniałem to istna perełka, bardzo dobra satyra i... (nawiązując wreszcie do tytułu tego postu do diaska!) chyba jedyny powód w moim życiu dla którego cieszę się, że przeczytałem „Zmierzch”!!! Bez niego ominęło by mnie 3/4 żartów... a w nawet jakby mnie rozbawiło nie miałoby tej samej ironii i wydźwięku satyrycznego. Kto by przypuszczał, że ta książka będzie miała jakiś pożyteczny użytek mimo wszystko? Z minusów - może tłumacz raz się pomylił bo zaadresował Daisy/Dellę imieniem innej postaci... Oh! Nie będę teraz detali czepiać!

Także choć całość jest tylko rojeniami Daisy i Kaczencji było coś niezwykle świeżego w widoku Daisy i Donalda w rolach nastolatków o rozbujanych hormonach stojących na progu pierwszego romansu...
 

Mhhh... Może jakiś spin-off o licealnych latach Donalda byłby ciekawym pomysłem? Kto wie?


 
 
KONIEC
Recenzja by. MACIEK KUR


sobota, 4 sierpnia 2012

Niesamowite Przygody Wujka Sknerusa (in English)

A teraz wersja po Angielsku "Niesamowtych przygód Wujka Sknerusa"...


This is my english translation of a Polish fan-fiction script which is a satire of Disney comic staring Scrooge McDuck and Donald Dook. It is ment for adults. ENJOY...




Maciek Kur

~The Amazing Adventures of Uncle Scrooge! ~

***


A shot of Duckburg with Money Bing in the center.



Narration
Duckburg, Uncle Scrooge’s Money Bin!



Scrooge’s Office. Plenty of money all around (some in sacks) as well some pictures of money on the wall.  Smiling  Scrooge sits behind his desk. Donald enters with equally big smile and a letter, while Huey, Duey and Luey fallow him. Behind the window we can see sun with a large euphoric gin.



Scrooge
Ho-ho-ho! Welcome my nephews! What do you have there for me?



Donald
Just visiting. Miss Quackfaster ask us to give you this letter...


Scrooge
Let’s see...
<Scrooge reacts with a shock>
WAK!!!



We see the letter :  


Dear Scrooge! The Beagle Boy 176-671 got shot by one of your security gourds during our last attack on the Money Bing. We like to invite you to His funeral which shall take place this Saturday at Nun at the Duckburg Cemetery.

~Grandpa Beagle”



Scrooge is traumatize. DONALDS reads the letter. The sun behind the window is distorted.



Scrooge
O no.. O no...


Donald
WAK!

HUEY comforts crying DUEY.

Huey
Now, now Duey, one day we all shall past away…



Luey
<kicks the desk in anger>
Damn it! Just damn it! First our parents, then Missis Beakley, and now this…



In the background : The Sun behind the window wispers something to a cloud, they both look at the ducks abashed.



Scrooge
Ow no, any thing but this..


Donald
                                                              Easy Uncle Scrooge! We’re with you..



Scrooge
(burtsts into tears)
I will have to spent money on the wreath!


DONALD hits himself in the heat.


CUT :
„DUCKBURGS BAZAAR” (Build in honor of Cornelius Coot)
SCROOGE leans on his cane looking at the salesman – a sleazy weasel – who is holding a single flower with a price “5 cents”.

Scrooge  
Mhhh...


Donald
NO UNCLE SCROOGE! NO!



DONALD points out another funeral wreath with price “HUNDRET BUCKS”.



SCROOGE turns his head and we see “DUCKBURG DUMP” (Build in honor of Cornelius Coot) and a big pile of old Christmas wreath. A garbage man is talking to LUDWIG VON DRAKE who is throwing out his wreath.


Garbage man
Holly days over, ey mate?


Scrooge
How about...



CUT :  
“DUCKBURG CEMATARY” (Build in honor of Cornelius Coot) Embarrassed DONALD is walking with  SCROOGE who is holding a brand new wreath.



Scrooge
See? Some paint, you ventilate it a little, and is practically brand new!


Donald
This is as low it can get Uncle Scrooge. The very idea I’m showing with you in public


Scrooge
Strange. I must admit this is the first time I’m at the Duckburg Cemetery…


Donald
Strange, me as well... I didn’t know so many people come here…

 
Big shot of the cemetery :
We see Gyro crying over one of the graves.



Gyro
Oh, why science has to be so helpless !?

LITTLE HELPER gives him a hanky.  
GOOFY is in the background crying over a grave shape like Mickey Mouse ears.


Goofy
Gorsh, Mickey...


We see Gladstone Gander standing next to a shinny brand new thumb stone with his name on it. Gus is standing next to him eating a banana, the looks at the peanut salesman (another sleazy weasel) walking around with a stand on wells.



Gladstone
Yhe, I won it last week. Tip-top quality and what a good view…


Seller  
Peanuts! Gets you’re Penuts...


Not for from them FETHRY is stoing next to another thumb stone with a big red ribbon, in front of him is Granma Duck who looks very angry.

Fethry
Happy birthday granna!


Donald
<thinks>
WAK! I completely forgotten grammas birthday is today…



SCROOGE looks at the crown around the coffin. There’s plenty of Beagle Boys, MAGICA DE SPELL and a owl-priest.

Magica de Spell
<to Grandpa Beagle>
My condolences sir...




Beagle Boy
176-167
(looks angrily at Scrooge)
Well, look who finally showed up...


Scrooge
Emm... Well... My sympathy...



Grandpa Beagle
Ow, just sit down and be quite! It’s about to start...

SCROOGE sits down pissed off. In the crown of Beagles we can see BURGER from DUCKTALES heating a hot-dog. On the thumb stone we can see „WANTED! BEAGLE BOY 176-671, 1000,000”.

Priest
My dear friends. We gather here to say farewell to our dear old friend…


Scrooge  
(whisper to Donald)

Damn it... First they invite you and then they get upset that you care to arrive! It’s youre mother funeral all over again…
<Donald isn’t afected by this line>
As soon they put him in the ground we leaving...


Beagle Boy 176-761
Hey! Quite there in the back!


Beagle Boy 176-176
„Mr. High society”...


Scrooge
That’s it! Donald, whe’re living!


SCROOGE goes away pulling DONALD’S neck with his cane.


Priest
And now as a special wish from brothers of the deceased, we shall play the favorite song of 176-617…


Beagle Boy 176-176
„671”!!!!

A BEAGLE BOY comes with a bagpipe and starts playing.


Scrooge
Why this melody! It’s… it’s…



SCROOGE gets tears in his esyes and starts to sing. .

Sknerus
By yon Bonnie bank, and by yon Bonnie braes…


Donald
!?


(for those who wonder what the hec he is singing)

Grandpa Beagle
(sharts crying and singing as well)
Where the sun shines on Loch Lomond!


Both SCROOGE and GRANDPA BEAGLE grab each other arms and sing together.



Scrooge and Grandpa Beagle
Where me and tea tree my true love spent many days, on the bony, bony banks of Loch Lomond…


Donald
(thinks in shock)

Well I be wak! This is ad redneck as it can get…

Scrooge and Grandpa Beagle
You’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road…


DONALD gets approach by GLADSTON (board with heands in his pockets) GUS (who eats a watermelon), FETHRY who whave a big black eye and GYRO who reads the bible in concentration.


Gladstone
Yo cuz, are you coming to Grammas birthday with us?


Gus
There will be poppy-seed cake!


Donald
Sure, why not? Just as soon Uncle Scrooge stop making a yokel off himself..




DIODAK looks at the sky in deep thoughts.


Scrooge
(wipes his tears)
Donald, my boy, I was wrong about those lovable people all along. Come, were going with the Beagles for a wake…


Donald
You’re shitting me, aren’t you…???


CUT :
BEAGLE BOYS trailer. The song is coming from inside.



Beagle Boys OFF
Zpi-A-dee-doo-dah, Zpi-a-dee-ay...



CUT :
Inside of the trailer. SCROOGE and BEAGLE BOYS are drinking beer and singing. DONALD is talking on the phone, trying to overcome thr noise.



Beagle Boys
My ow-my, what a wonderfull day…


Sknerus
Spoon full of sugar..


Donald

(talking on the phone)
Well I’m sorry Grandma that I coudn’t come but I and Uncle Scrooge are… well, er… Treasure Hunting... The treasure of the singing Azteck and... Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t call during the last Christmas but we where searching for.. eeee...


Scrooge
(Joyfull)
Yes ser-re gents! That 176-671 was always ton of fun! I remember that one time he was climbing to my Money Bin, so I press a button, and this hand with scissors pop-out, cut the rope and he fall right on his head…

Beagle Boy 176-716
(he squints his eyes)
That was me..

Scrooge
Oy...



"Later”

SCROOGE is on the table completely wasted. BEAGLE BOYS are appalled by this sight.


Scrooge
<sings>
…race cars, lasers, airplanes...


Grampa Beagle
(with a snear)
Donald, maybe you shall take you’re uncle back home, eye?



DONALD outputs drunken SCROOGE from the trailer. On of the Beagles stands in the door.





Beagle Boy 176-176
Disgrace! To fuddle you’re self on a wake like that...



Scrooge
Donald! Didn’t I tell you the time I was searching for gold in the Klondike?

Donald
Wak damn it...



DONALD and SCROOGE are going through the Duckburg. DONALD tries to take control of SCROOGE who is swinging from side to side.

Scrooge
Explain to me Donald, how <Censored> come it is, that we don’t have any cool female characters in our comic books? Daisy has no personality, Brigitta is a lustful <Censored>, Granma duck is OLD, April is fat, May is short, June has mess-up teeth… Magica is a <Censored> Satanist… 



Donald
Stand still uncle or I will throw you into the bushes and you will have to walk to the Money Bin on you’re own…



In the bushesh DICKIE DUCK is smoking marihuana with the Aracuan Bird. The see Scrooge.


Scrooge
There was this one in Romana Scarpa stories… What was her name again?


DICKIE jumps out from the bushesh and takes a picture of Scrooge.

Scrooge
There she is!


Donald
Oh no...


CUT :
THE MOMENY BIN on the Hill. The roof jumps up. .

Scrooge OFF
WHAT THE WAK!?



CUT :
Inside Scrooges Office. SCROOGE is hitting the desk with his fist while holding the news paper with another hand “THE DAILY FETHER”. There is a photo of drunken SCROOGE on the front page, showing the middle finger and headline “THE LIFE AND TIMES OF SCROOGE MCDUCK”. 

Scrooge
I will murder that little brat!!!  First I have to pay alimony to Goldie for her mother, and now this?

Donald
This is just terrible. Mis Typefast said that whole Duckburg is already talking about this.


CUT :
The street of DUCKBURG.
The newspaper boy is standing with newspapers. Two pig-nose billionaires are standing next to him reading the papers.




Newspaper boy
Extra! Extra! Mcduck drunken rampage…

Billionaire 1
Discracefull! Lets not waste our time making deals with McDuck any more..

Billionaire 2
Indeed. 


Filo Sganga  
He spents all days in that Monney Bin of his.. Who the hell know what else is going on there?

Neighbor Jones
(to the newspaper stand)
One „Topolino” please...



CUT :
Back in Scrooges office.
.



Donald
<reading the news papper>
„The Parson of the Church of Duckburg commented : „Well that’s heck of  a way to start the Sunday…”

Scrooge
It’s the end! I shall go broke! Im in the bigger mess then the time Flinthearth Glomgold and Rockerduck join for forces..
 


FLASH-BACK :
Scrooge is tide-up. Flinthearth Glomgold is pointing a gun in his face, while Rockerduck is taking away sacks of Scrooge’s money in a barrow.


Flinthearth
Ha-ha! Now I shall see that Scrooge won’t escape anywhere...




Rockerduck 
 
...and I shall hide his momeny so far away he won’t ever find it and we shall be the riches!



Scrooge
I use to manage to fight them back solo, but whene they jump at me both…



END OF THE FLASHBACK.



Donald

There, there. Cheer up Unc! The way I know Duckburg probably we will have a UFO crash or something and people will stop talking about this…

Scrooge

Oh, they will, they will. Ow, If there was a way to make the media like me again…

(gets a moment of revelation)

WHAIT A MINUTE! What if… 


 

CUT :

A shot of Duckburg.
Everybody stair gloomy into the newspapers. Two billionaires from preview scenes are crying leaning on each other. Daisy, Ludwig Von Drake and Battista are looking into the same newspaper.
 

News paper boy
EXTRA! EXTRA! Tragacy of the year! McDuck has drawn in his own money bin!

Ludwig Von Drake
Anything but this...


Daisy
Poor guy!


Battista
I told him plenty of times to wait at least 30 minutes after dinner before he will start swimming in his money…


Brigitta
(comes smilling)
Hey, guys. What are you reading?



Neighbor Jones
(to the news paper stand)
Is the new „Disney Parade” our yet?  


CUT  :

Narration
„The news quickly spreads over the Duckburg...”



Sad GYRO is standing before a hand holding a mike. In the background we can see crossed plans for a machine named “Over-dead-onator 2000”


Gyro
This event is just showing us how fragile is the man against black claws of death…



CUT :

Narration
„And even around the world. In Italy”.


The hand with microphone is infront of Magica de Spell. She’s crying.


Magica de Spell
Ow, let him keep that <CENSORED> dime!!!!


CUT :

Narration
„In Brasil and Mexico...”


The hand with the mike is in front of sad Joe Carioca (his smoking a cigar) and Panchito.


Panchito
Ay, no me gusta...


Jose
Si, Si...


CUT TO :
Shot of a TV.



Reporter
"...and everybody generally speaking. From Mouse town to Goosetown, from all over the world the words of respect come to honor Scrooge McDuck! A person who was more then just a mere duck…”



We finally see DONALD and SCROOGE sitting on a couch in Donald’s house. DONALD is in a incredible shock.

Sknerus
Clever isn’t it?


TV voice OFF
And anow a interview about the recently deceased with mr. Jhon D. Rockerduck...



Rockerduck OFF
From the very start Scrooge was like a brother I never had. I often told him – Scrooge, old chum, are you getting too worked up sometimes? No body is healthy forever...




SCROOGE starts reading a book „Come nasce un stellone".



Scrooge
I got the idea when I was reminded of an old Scottish saying : “Nobody talks bad about the deceased… especially in public”



A loud woman scream is heard.

Scrooge

Ow, look. Brigitta found out… Sow what do you think about it?

Donald
(appalled)
Honestly?


HD&L comes in runing.



Huey, Duey and Luey
UNCLE DONALD! UNCLE DONALD! At school they stopped our lesson to tell us that Unce Scrooge had..
<they look at Scrooge in silance and then run in panic>
GHOOOST!!!


Scrooge
(thinking)
„Junior Woodchucks.....”



Donald
So I guess you figure the whole thing out?


Sknerus
You bet! I’ll shall give them to morn for few days over their fallen idol, and then – surprisingly -  I shall back in glory and triumph and tell I was locked in one of my strongboxes by mistake, they all be madly happy…  Genius, don’t you think?



Donald
True, but there is one thing you didn’t thought about…



DONALD puls out a gun and get’s incredible serious.


Sknerus
Do.. Donald? What are you...


Donald
Quite you old fool!
(he gets more and more psycho)
The "sweetest disposition" has ended! This is a moment I was waiting for for a long, long time! Now when all of the Duckburg things your cold dead body is somewhere in the bottom of the bin I shall get rid of you once and for all and I shall posses you’re money all for my self! No more “Donald polish my dimes”! “Donald we’re going to search for the lost crown of Genghis-Khan”! “Donald you must join the navy because you’re voice is hard to understand”


Scrooge
You treacherous swine! To pull such thing on your own uncle.. Wait a second! Why I’m worried? You’re a positive character, heck, a Disney ne! There is no change you shall pull the trigger!



Donald
Ow, really?



DONALDS pulls out the head of Lunchpad McQuack.


Scrooge
Ow, now! Lunchpad! Why you?
(things for a moment)

Come to think about it… Why him?


Donald
Emm...  To illustrate you my new dark persona, at first I wanted to show you chopped-out head of Gladstone but…


FLASH-BACK :
DONALD is aiming gun at Gladstone but a dog chasing a cat runs between his legs and flips him over.


DONALD is running in Gladstone direction with a chainsaw but a track next to him has a oil spill and Donald slips on it.

DONALD is about to butcher sleeping Gladstone with his knife but chandelier falls on his head.
The end of the FLASH-BACK.

Donald
<mumbles somethings angry>


Scrooge
Any way, this whole plan doesn’t makes much sense. As you recall all my Money will be inherit by Huey and Duey (I don’t care for Luey as he reminds me his fater way to much) You won’t get a single penny!

Donald
Ow, that’s what you think?
<DONALD gives SCROOGE a document>
This document says rhat you change you’re mind and you’re giving away all you’re money to me!


Scrooge
(cynical)
Those it have today’s date?



Donald
Shut up and give me you’re signature it or I’ll put a bullet in you’re head!


Scrooge
Why the hell would I sign if you’re going to shot me any way? I rather not do it and laugh at you from beyond the grave that you screw-up again! And what you say abut that wise guy?

Donald
Well I... well… Ow, WAK!
(he drops his gun)
Damn it! I can’t even pull a simple revenge plot!
(he sits down and starts to cry)
You was right all along Uncle Scrooge! I’m worthless!


Scrooge
(petse Donald)
There, there Donald... I forgive you...

 (he sits next to Donald)
                                                You know? I actually made much of my fortune in similar ways…
Bah! Just to show you how much I appreciate you as  a nephew I have a certain  proposition that you may like very much…



CUT :
NEXT DAY. GLADSTONES HOUSE.
In front of Gladstone house there is a bunch of reporters. GLADSTONE stands yawning dress in a negligee.


Reporter
Mr. Gander how those it fell to win Duckburg lottery for the hundred time?

Reporter 2
Huh? I thouth we talk about the yacht he won?


Reporter 3
By the way my sorrow about the Uncle...

Gladston
Sure, thanks... Cool...


Scrooge OFF
(from the house)
Mmmfffym! Mmmmfffymm!

Gladstone
What--?


Reporter 1
What is going out there?



SCROOGE jumps out of GLADSTONES house all tide-up with a red ball in his beak.



Gladstone
Uncle Scrooge? What… What are you doing here? You’re funeral is in a hour…


Donald

(pushes reportes aside)
Uncle? You’re alive?



DONALD cuts SCROOGES ropes.



Scrooge
Oh, it was horrible! Gladstone invited me for a free chess cake, then he drug me with some horrendous stuff… He locked me in this basement for two days… Torture me… Shown me slides… Brag about his luck…

 
Gladstone  
WHAT! But I… I..


Donald

Shame on you Gladstone! I don’t know what to say….


Reporter 1
(takes the mike in front of Gladstones face)
Is it polite?


Gladstone
But... Bt...



COMI
CHIEF O'HARA approach GLADSTONE.


Chief O'Hara
Mr. Gladstone Gander, I’m afraid I must arrest you for being an ungrateful relative. Please come with me…



CHIEF O'HARA pulls GLADSTONE away. In background DONALD and SCROOGE are laughing cynically (“Hie, hie, hie!!!)


Gladstone
NO This can’t end this way! You shall pay for this! This is completely amoral ending for this Duck story!
Our faithful readers won’t allow this type of injustice!



CUT :
We see a comic book Convention. Infront of the table sits WALT DISNEY. Around him we see a group of fans (age 5 to 6) reading new comic book. In the crowd you can spot Neighbor Jones in a GOOFY shaped had and a white Mickey Mouse t-shirt.    


Fan 1
Ha-ha!
Good riddance...

Fan 2:
Yhe!
I never liked that asshole Gladstone…



Fan 3
I hope he will get rape in the prison!


Neighbor Jones
Those anybody know when the new “Hall of Fame” is coming out?



Fan 4
Another great comic book of you made Mr. Disney!



Walt Disney
 Ha-ha! Well, I drawn and written all of them by myself so I sure know what the fans expect to see…



THE END;



TEXT BY :
MACIEK KUR
WALT DISNEY!