This is my english translation of a Polish fan-fiction script which is a satire of Disney comic staring Scrooge McDuck and Donald Dook. It is ment for adults. ENJOY...
Maciek
Kur
~The Amazing Adventures of Uncle Scrooge! ~
***
A shot of Duckburg with Money Bing in the center.
Narration
Duckburg, Uncle
Scrooge’s Money Bin!
Scrooge’s Office. Plenty of money all
around (some in sacks) as well some pictures of money on the wall. Smiling
Scrooge sits behind his desk. Donald enters with equally big smile and a
letter, while Huey, Duey and Luey fallow him. Behind the window we can see sun
with a large euphoric gin.
Scrooge
Ho-ho-ho! Welcome my nephews! What do you have there for me?
Ho-ho-ho! Welcome my nephews! What do you have there for me?
Donald
Just visiting. Miss Quackfaster ask us to give you this letter...
Scrooge
Scrooge
Let’s
see...
<Scrooge reacts with a shock>
WAK!!!
We see the letter :
„Dear Scrooge! The Beagle Boy 176-671 got shot by one
of your security gourds during our last attack on the Money Bing. We like to
invite you to His funeral which shall take place this Saturday at Nun at the
Duckburg Cemetery.
~Grandpa Beagle”
Scrooge
is traumatize. DONALDS reads the letter. The sun behind the window is distorted.
Scrooge
O no.. O no...
Donald
WAK!
HUEY comforts crying DUEY.
Huey
Now,
now Duey, one day we all shall past away…
Luey
<kicks
the desk in anger>
Damn it! Just damn it!
First our parents, then Missis Beakley, and now this…
In the background : The Sun behind the window wispers something to a cloud, they both look at the ducks abashed.
Scrooge
Ow
no, any thing but this..
Donald
Easy Uncle Scrooge! We’re with you..
Scrooge
(burtsts into tears)
I
will have to spent money on the wreath!
DONALD hits himself in the heat.
CUT :
„DUCKBURGS BAZAAR” (Build in honor of Cornelius Coot)
SCROOGE leans on his cane looking at the salesman – a sleazy weasel – who is holding a single flower with a price “5 cents”.
„DUCKBURGS BAZAAR” (Build in honor of Cornelius Coot)
SCROOGE leans on his cane looking at the salesman – a sleazy weasel – who is holding a single flower with a price “5 cents”.
Scrooge
Mhhh...
Donald
NO UNCLE SCROOGE! NO!
DONALD points out another funeral wreath
with price “HUNDRET BUCKS”.
SCROOGE turns his head and we see “DUCKBURG DUMP” (Build in honor of Cornelius Coot) and a big pile of old Christmas wreath. A garbage man is talking to LUDWIG VON DRAKE who is throwing out his wreath.
Garbage man
Holly
days over, ey mate?
Scrooge
How
about...
CUT :
“DUCKBURG CEMATARY” (Build in honor of Cornelius Coot)
Embarrassed DONALD is walking with SCROOGE who is holding a brand new wreath.
Scrooge
See? Some paint, you ventilate it a little, and is practically brand new!
Donald
This
is as low it can get Uncle Scrooge. The very idea I’m showing with you in
public
Scrooge
Strange.
I must admit this is the first time I’m at the Duckburg Cemetery…
Donald
Strange, me as well... I didn’t know so many people come here…
Big shot of the cemetery : Donald
Strange, me as well... I didn’t know so many people come here…
We see Gyro crying over one of the graves.
Gyro
Oh,
why science has to be so helpless !?
LITTLE HELPER gives him a hanky.
GOOFY is in the background crying over a
grave shape like Mickey Mouse ears.
Goofy
Gorsh, Mickey...
We see Gladstone Gander standing next to
a shinny brand new thumb stone with his name on it. Gus is standing next to him
eating a banana, the looks at the peanut salesman (another sleazy weasel)
walking around with a stand on wells.
Gladstone
Yhe,
I won it last week. Tip-top quality and what a good view…
Seller
Seller
Peanuts!
Gets you’re Penuts...
Not
for from them FETHRY is stoing next to another thumb stone with a big red
ribbon, in front of him is Granma Duck who looks very angry.
Fethry
Happy birthday granna!
Donald
<thinks>
WAK!
I completely forgotten grammas birthday is today…
SCROOGE looks at the crown around the
coffin. There’s plenty of Beagle Boys, MAGICA DE SPELL and a owl-priest.
Magica de Spell
<to Grandpa Beagle>
My condolences
sir...
Beagle Boy 176-167
(looks
angrily at Scrooge)
Well,
look who finally showed up...
Scrooge
Emm...
Well... My sympathy...
Grandpa Beagle
Ow,
just sit down and be quite! It’s about to start...
SCROOGE sits down pissed off. In the crown
of Beagles we can see BURGER from DUCKTALES heating a hot-dog. On the thumb stone we can
see „WANTED! BEAGLE BOY 176-671, 1000,000”.
Priest
My dear friends. We gather here to say farewell to our dear old friend…
My dear friends. We gather here to say farewell to our dear old friend…
Scrooge
(whisper
to Donald)
Damn it... First they invite
you and then they get upset that you care to arrive! It’s youre mother funeral
all over again…
<Donald isn’t afected by this line>
As
soon they put him in the ground we leaving...
Beagle Boy 176-761
Hey!
Quite there in the back!
Beagle Boy 176-176
„Mr. High society”...
Scrooge
That’s it! Donald, whe’re
living!
SCROOGE goes away pulling DONALD’S neck with his cane.
Priest
And
now as a special wish from brothers of the deceased, we shall play the favorite
song of 176-617…
Beagle Boy 176-176
Beagle Boy 176-176
„671”!!!!
A BEAGLE BOY comes with a bagpipe and starts playing.
Scrooge
Why
this melody! It’s… it’s…
SCROOGE gets tears in his esyes and
starts to sing. .
Sknerus
By
yon Bonnie bank, and by yon Bonnie braes…
Donald
!?
(for those who wonder what the hec he is singing)
Grandpa Beagle
(sharts
crying and singing as well)
Where the sun shines on Loch Lomond!
Where the sun shines on Loch Lomond!
Both SCROOGE and GRANDPA BEAGLE grab each other arms and sing together.
Scrooge and Grandpa Beagle
Where me and tea tree
my true love spent many days, on the bony, bony banks of Loch Lomond…
Donald
(thinks in shock)
Well
I be wak! This is ad redneck as it can get…
Scrooge and Grandpa Beagle
Scrooge and Grandpa Beagle
You’ll
take the high road and I’ll take the low road…
DONALD gets approach by GLADSTON (board with heands in his pockets) GUS (who eats a watermelon), FETHRY who whave a big black eye and GYRO who reads the bible in concentration.
Gladstone
Yo
cuz, are you coming to Grammas birthday with us?
Gus
There
will be poppy-seed cake!
Donald
Sure, why not? Just as soon Uncle Scrooge stop making a yokel off himself..
DIODAK looks at the sky in deep
thoughts.
Scrooge
(wipes his tears)
Donald,
my boy, I was wrong about those lovable people all along. Come, were going with
the Beagles for a wake…
Donald
You’re
shitting me, aren’t you…???
CUT :
BEAGLE BOYS trailer. The song is coming from inside.
Beagle Boys OFF
Zpi-A-dee-doo-dah,
Zpi-a-dee-ay...
CUT :
Inside of the trailer. SCROOGE and BEAGLE BOYS are drinking beer and singing. DONALD is talking on the phone, trying to overcome thr noise.
Inside of the trailer. SCROOGE and BEAGLE BOYS are drinking beer and singing. DONALD is talking on the phone, trying to overcome thr noise.
Beagle Boys
My
ow-my, what a wonderfull day…
Sknerus
Spoon
full of sugar..
Donald
(talking on the phone)
Well
I’m sorry Grandma that I coudn’t come but I and Uncle Scrooge are… well, er… Treasure Hunting...
The treasure of the singing Azteck and... Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t call during the last Christmas but we where
searching for.. eeee...
Scrooge
(Joyfull)
Yes
ser-re gents! That 176-671 was always ton of fun! I
remember that one time he was climbing to my Money Bin, so I press a button, and
this hand with scissors pop-out,
cut the rope and he fall right on his head…
Beagle Boy 176-716
Beagle Boy 176-716
(he squints his eyes)
That was me..
Scrooge
Oy...
"Later”
SCROOGE is on the table completely wasted.
BEAGLE BOYS are appalled by this sight.
Scrooge
<sings>
<sings>
…race
cars, lasers, airplanes...
Grampa Beagle
(with a snear)
Donald, maybe you shall take you’re uncle back home, eye?
DONALD outputs drunken SCROOGE from the
trailer. On of the Beagles stands in the door.
Beagle Boy 176-176
Disgrace!
To fuddle you’re self on a wake like that...
Scrooge
Donald! Didn’t I tell you the time I was searching for gold in the Klondike?
Donald
Donald
Wak damn it...
DONALD and SCROOGE are going through the
Duckburg. DONALD tries to take control of SCROOGE who is swinging from side to
side.
Scrooge
Explain to me Donald,
how <Censored> come it is, that we don’t have any cool female characters
in our comic books? Daisy has no personality, Brigitta is a lustful
<Censored>, Granma duck is OLD, April is fat, May is short, June has
mess-up teeth… Magica
is a <Censored> Satanist…
Donald
Stand still uncle or I
will throw you into the bushes and you will have to walk to the Money Bin on
you’re own…
In the bushesh DICKIE DUCK is smoking marihuana with the Aracuan Bird. The see Scrooge.
Scrooge
There was this one in Romana Scarpa stories… What was her name again?
DICKIE jumps out from the bushesh and takes a picture of Scrooge.
Scrooge
There she is!
Donald
Oh no...
CUT :
THE MOMENY BIN on the Hill. The roof jumps up. .
Scrooge OFF
WHAT
THE WAK!?
CUT :
Inside Scrooges Office. SCROOGE is hitting the desk with his fist while holding the news paper with another hand “THE DAILY FETHER”. There is a photo of drunken SCROOGE on the front page, showing the middle finger and headline “THE LIFE AND TIMES OF SCROOGE MCDUCK”.
Inside Scrooges Office. SCROOGE is hitting the desk with his fist while holding the news paper with another hand “THE DAILY FETHER”. There is a photo of drunken SCROOGE on the front page, showing the middle finger and headline “THE LIFE AND TIMES OF SCROOGE MCDUCK”.
Scrooge
I
will murder that little brat!!! First I have
to pay alimony to Goldie for her mother, and now this?
Donald
Donald
This
is just terrible. Mis Typefast said that whole Duckburg is already talking
about this.
CUT :
The street of DUCKBURG.
The newspaper boy is standing with newspapers. Two pig-nose billionaires are standing next to him reading the papers.
Newspaper boy
Extra! Extra! Mcduck drunken rampage…
Billionaire 1
Discracefull! Lets not waste our time making deals with McDuck any more..
Billionaire 2
Extra! Extra! Mcduck drunken rampage…
Billionaire 1
Discracefull! Lets not waste our time making deals with McDuck any more..
Billionaire 2
Indeed.
Filo Sganga
He
spents all days in that Monney Bin of his.. Who the hell know what else is
going on there?
Neighbor Jones
Neighbor Jones
(to
the newspaper stand)
One
„Topolino” please...
CUT
:
Back in Scrooges office. .
Back in Scrooges office. .
Donald
<reading the news
papper>
„The Parson of the
Church of Duckburg commented : „Well that’s heck of a way to start the Sunday…”
Scrooge
Scrooge
It’s
the end! I shall go broke! Im in the bigger mess then the time Flinthearth
Glomgold and Rockerduck join for forces..
FLASH-BACK :
Scrooge is tide-up. Flinthearth Glomgold is pointing a gun in his face, while Rockerduck is taking away sacks of Scrooge’s money in a barrow.
Flinthearth
Ha-ha! Now I shall see that Scrooge won’t escape anywhere...
Rockerduck
...and
I shall hide his momeny so far away he won’t ever find it and we shall be the
riches!
Scrooge
I
use to manage to fight them back solo, but whene they jump at me both…
END OF THE FLASHBACK.
Donald
There, there. Cheer up
Unc! The way I know Duckburg probably we will have a UFO crash or something and
people will stop talking about this…
Scrooge
Scrooge
Oh,
they will, they will. Ow, If there was a way to make the media like me again…
(gets
a moment of revelation)
WHAIT
A MINUTE! What if…
CUT :
A shot of Duckburg.
Everybody stair gloomy into the newspapers. Two billionaires from preview scenes are crying leaning on each other. Daisy, Ludwig Von Drake and Battista are looking into the same newspaper.
Everybody stair gloomy into the newspapers. Two billionaires from preview scenes are crying leaning on each other. Daisy, Ludwig Von Drake and Battista are looking into the same newspaper.
News paper boy
EXTRA!
EXTRA! Tragacy of the year! McDuck has drawn in his own money bin!
Ludwig Von Drake
Ludwig Von Drake
Anything but this...
Daisy
Poor guy!
Battista
I told him plenty of
times to wait at least 30 minutes after dinner before he will start swimming in
his money…
Brigitta
Hey,
guys. What are you reading?
Neighbor Jones
(to
the news paper stand)
Is
the new „Disney Parade” our yet?
CUT :
Narration
„The news quickly spreads over the Duckburg...”
„The news quickly spreads over the Duckburg...”
Sad GYRO is standing before a hand holding a mike. In the background we can see crossed plans for a machine named “Over-dead-onator 2000”
Gyro
This
event is just showing us how fragile is the man against black claws of death…
CUT :
Narration
„And
even around the world. In Italy”.
The hand with microphone is infront of Magica de Spell. She’s crying.
Magica de Spell
Ow, let him keep that
<CENSORED> dime!!!!
CUT :
Narration
„In
Brasil and Mexico...”
The hand with the mike is in front of sad Joe Carioca (his smoking a cigar) and Panchito.
Panchito
Ay, no
me gusta...
Jose
Si,
Si...
CUT TO :
Shot of a TV.
Reporter
"...and everybody
generally speaking. From Mouse town to Goosetown, from all over the world the
words of respect come to honor Scrooge McDuck! A person who was more then just
a mere duck…”
We finally see DONALD and SCROOGE sitting on a couch in Donald’s house. DONALD is in a incredible shock.
Sknerus
Clever
isn’t it?
TV voice OFF
And
anow a interview about the recently deceased with mr. Jhon D. Rockerduck...
Rockerduck OFF
From
the very start Scrooge was like a brother I never had. I often told him –
Scrooge, old chum, are you getting too worked up sometimes? No body is healthy
forever...
SCROOGE starts reading a book „Come nasce un stellone".
Scrooge
I
got the idea when I was reminded of an old Scottish saying : “Nobody talks bad
about the deceased… especially in public”
A loud woman scream is heard.
Scrooge
Ow,
look. Brigitta found out… Sow what do you think about it?
Donald
Donald
(appalled)
Honestly?
HD&L comes in runing.
Huey, Duey and Luey
UNCLE DONALD! UNCLE DONALD! At school they stopped our lesson to tell us
that Unce Scrooge had..
<they look at Scrooge in silance and
then run in panic>
GHOOOST!!!
Scrooge
(thinking)
„Junior Woodchucks.....”
Donald
So
I guess you figure the whole thing out?
Sknerus
You
bet! I’ll shall give them to morn for few days over their fallen idol, and then
– surprisingly - I shall back in glory
and triumph and tell I was locked in one of my strongboxes by mistake, they all
be madly happy… Genius, don’t you think?
Donald
True,
but there is one thing you didn’t thought about…
DONALD puls out a gun and get’s
incredible serious.
Sknerus
Do.. Donald? What are you...
Donald
Quite
you old fool!
(he
gets more and more psycho)
The "sweetest disposition" has ended! This is a moment I was waiting for for a long, long time! Now when all of the Duckburg things your cold dead body is somewhere in the bottom of the bin I shall get rid of you once and for all and I shall posses you’re money all for my self! No more “Donald polish my dimes”! “Donald we’re going to search for the lost crown of Genghis-Khan”! “Donald you must join the navy because you’re voice is hard to understand”
The "sweetest disposition" has ended! This is a moment I was waiting for for a long, long time! Now when all of the Duckburg things your cold dead body is somewhere in the bottom of the bin I shall get rid of you once and for all and I shall posses you’re money all for my self! No more “Donald polish my dimes”! “Donald we’re going to search for the lost crown of Genghis-Khan”! “Donald you must join the navy because you’re voice is hard to understand”
Scrooge
You
treacherous swine! To pull such thing on your own uncle.. Wait a second! Why I’m
worried? You’re a positive character, heck, a Disney ne! There is no change you
shall pull the trigger!
Donald
Ow,
really?
DONALDS pulls out the head of Lunchpad McQuack.
Scrooge
Ow, now! Lunchpad! Why you?
(things for a moment)
(things for a moment)
Come
to think about it… Why him?
Donald
Emm... To illustrate you my new dark persona, at first I wanted to show you
chopped-out head of Gladstone but…
FLASH-BACK :
DONALD is aiming gun at Gladstone but a dog chasing a cat runs between his legs and flips him over.
DONALD is running in Gladstone direction with a chainsaw but a track next to him has a oil spill and Donald slips on it.
DONALD is about to butcher sleeping Gladstone with his knife but chandelier falls on his head.
The end of the FLASH-BACK.
Donald
<mumbles somethings angry>
Scrooge
Any
way, this whole plan doesn’t makes much sense. As you recall all my Money will
be inherit by Huey and Duey (I don’t care for Luey as he reminds me his fater
way to much) You won’t get a single penny!
Donald
Ow,
that’s what you think?
<DONALD
gives SCROOGE a document>
This
document says rhat you change you’re mind and you’re giving away all you’re
money to me!
Scrooge
(cynical)
Those it have today’s
date?
Donald
Shut up and give me you’re signature it or I’ll put a bullet in you’re head!
Shut up and give me you’re signature it or I’ll put a bullet in you’re head!
Scrooge
Why
the hell would I sign if you’re going to shot me any way? I rather not do it
and laugh at you from beyond the grave that you screw-up again! And what you
say abut that wise guy?
Donald
Donald
Well
I... well… Ow, WAK!
(he
drops his gun)
Damn
it! I can’t even pull a simple revenge plot!
(he sits down and starts to cry)
You
was right all along Uncle Scrooge! I’m worthless!
Scrooge
(petse Donald)
There, there Donald... I forgive
you...
(he sits next to Donald)
You know? I actually made much of my fortune in similar ways… Bah! Just to show you how much I appreciate you as a nephew I have a certain proposition that you may like very much…
CUT :
NEXT DAY. GLADSTONES HOUSE.
In front of Gladstone house there is a bunch of reporters. GLADSTONE stands yawning dress in a negligee.
NEXT DAY. GLADSTONES HOUSE.
In front of Gladstone house there is a bunch of reporters. GLADSTONE stands yawning dress in a negligee.
Reporter
Mr. Gander how those it
fell to win Duckburg lottery for the hundred time?
Reporter 2
Huh?
I thouth we talk about the yacht he won?
Reporter 3
By
the way my sorrow about the Uncle...
Gladston
Gladston
Sure,
thanks... Cool...
Scrooge OFF
(from the house)
Mmmfffym! Mmmmfffymm!
Gladstone
What--?
Reporter 1
What
is going out there?
SCROOGE jumps out of GLADSTONES house all tide-up with a red ball in his beak.
Gladstone
Uncle
Scrooge? What… What are you doing here? You’re funeral is in a hour…
Donald
(pushes reportes aside)
Uncle? You’re alive?
DONALD cuts SCROOGES ropes.
Scrooge
Oh,
it was horrible! Gladstone invited me for a free chess cake, then he drug me with
some horrendous stuff… He locked me in this basement for two days… Torture me… Shown
me slides… Brag about his luck…
Gladstone
WHAT! But I… I..
Donald
Shame on you Gladstone! I don’t know what to say….
Reporter 1
(takes the mike in front of Gladstones face)
Is it polite?
Gladstone
But... Bt...
COMI
CHIEF O'HARA approach GLADSTONE.
CHIEF O'HARA approach GLADSTONE.
Chief O'Hara
Mr. Gladstone Gander, I’m afraid I must arrest you for being an ungrateful relative. Please come with me…
Mr. Gladstone Gander, I’m afraid I must arrest you for being an ungrateful relative. Please come with me…
CHIEF O'HARA pulls GLADSTONE away. In background
DONALD and SCROOGE are laughing cynically (“Hie, hie, hie!!!)
Gladstone
NO This can’t end this way! You shall pay for this! This is completely amoral ending for this Duck story! Our faithful readers won’t allow this type of injustice!
NO This can’t end this way! You shall pay for this! This is completely amoral ending for this Duck story! Our faithful readers won’t allow this type of injustice!
CUT :
We see a comic book Convention. Infront of
the table sits WALT DISNEY. Around him we see a group of fans (age 5 to 6) reading
new comic book. In the crowd you can spot Neighbor Jones in a GOOFY shaped had and
a white Mickey Mouse t-shirt.
Fan 1
Ha-ha! Good riddance...
Ha-ha! Good riddance...
Fan 2:
Yhe! I never liked that asshole Gladstone…
Yhe! I never liked that asshole Gladstone…
Fan 3
I hope he will get rape in the prison!
I hope he will get rape in the prison!
Neighbor Jones
Those anybody know when the new “Hall of Fame” is coming out?
Those anybody know when the new “Hall of Fame” is coming out?
Fan 4
Another great comic book of you made Mr. Disney!
Another great comic book of you made Mr. Disney!
Walt Disney
Ha-ha! Well, I drawn and written all of them by myself so I sure know what the fans expect to see…
Ha-ha! Well, I drawn and written all of them by myself so I sure know what the fans expect to see…
THE END;
TEXT BY :
MACIEK KUR
WALT DISNEY!
WALT DISNEY!
Brak komentarzy:
Prześlij komentarz